by Caroline, SEM Intern
“So in every test, let us say, ‘Thank you, my God, because this was needed for my salvation.’” -St. Paisios the Athonite
In elementary and middle school I attended private Catholic and public school. I was the only practicing Orthodox Christian besides my brother at both schools. At times, it was quite difficult being the only one who wasn’t either a Catholic, Protestant, or atheist. There were many times that I was asked to explain things, such as icons and certain Saints, to a crowd who wasn’t interested in learning.
My time at the public school was a challenging time for my faith. There were a few moments that confronted my beliefs. I vividly remember having a substitute teacher one day for my computer science class in eighth grade. We didn’t have a substantial assignment so there was more free time to catch up on other homework and talk. Out of twentyish kids in my class, there were about four to five practicing and believing Christians. One classmate, who was a firm atheist, loved to debate. She began to talk about how she didn’t believe in God and that Jesus was not the Son of God. A few other students joined in, and it became a heated discussion. Rather than calm down the conversation, the teacher encouraged it and subtly agreed with my classmates. I remember being completely silent and uncomfortable. The other Christians in the classroom were also silent and unsure of what to say.
On my first day in eighth grade, I was quite lonely. While no one was mean to me, I didn’t make many friends. One group of kids noticed and invited me to sit with them. The first thing they asked me was “Are you a Christian?” While I answered yes, I felt like I had to justify why. There was a Catholic church right beside the lunch hall, and as we walked to class, they began to make fun of the church. Rather than calling them out, I laughed along with them. I compromised my beliefs in order to please people. It’s very easy to say that you wouldn’t do that until you’re in a difficult situation. Standing up to my classmates and friends who made fun of Christianity would have jeopardized those friendships. In retrospect, it may seem like that wouldn’t have been a huge deal, but it was a really huge worry for me in middle school. I desperately wanted someone to like me, and I based my worth around how many friends I had.
So, how do we respond to situations like these in a Christian-like manner? I think the book of Titus offers wonderful guidance: “Likewise, exhort the young men to be sober-minded, in all things showing yourself to be a pattern of good works; in doctrine showing integrity, reverence, incorruptibility, sound speech that cannot be condemned, that one who is an opponent may be ashamed, having nothing evil to say of you” (Titus 2:6-8). Mark 13:11 also reminds us that we should not worry beforehand about what we should say. “ But when they arrest you and deliver you up, do not worry beforehand, or premeditate what you will speak. But whatever is given you in that hour, speak that; for it is not you who speak, but the Holy Spirit.”
We need to speak with humility and gentleness to our “opponents.” You might possibly be one of their first encounters with a Christian. Unkind speech can make someone not want to step foot in a church. We should strive to speak in a way that cannot be condemned or spoken ill of. It is crucial to not talk poorly about others. I always try to remember that the other party is still someone created in the image and likeness of God. It’s very important to humanize them and extend grace. Just because someone treats us unfavorably doesn’t mean we should do the same. How would we be different if we sneered back at them? Everybody’s situation is different, and you never know what they may be going through.
It is key to determine if the other party genuinely wants to understand your point or simply wants to argue with you. Typically, if they are just interested in being right, it’s not fruitful to debate with them. Some people do not deserve nor need an explanation from you. As St. Paul states in Titus 3:9, “But avoid foolish disputes, genealogies, contentions, and strivings about the law, for they are unprofitable and useless.” We should find an appropriate time to speak while being wise and careful about our words. It is also crucial to ensure that we are not motivated by the desire to “be right.” If we want to speak out of hatred or anger for the other party, perhaps it is not the right time to engage.
It is also important to weigh whether speaking up would ruin your relationship with the other person. I find that most true friends would not be angry with you for disagreeing with them. If you are truly afraid of losing them, maybe it’s time to reflect on your relationship with them. You’re not going to lose a real friend; rather you’ll lose someone who wants others to reaffirm their opinions and beliefs. Everyone is at a different place, and it’s okay to walk away from someone who drags you down. We can love and pray for others from a distance. I often remind myself that we are who we surround ourselves with.
We should use these difficult times to grow in virtue. As St. Theophan the Recluse says in Unseen Warfare, “If you wish always to press forward on the path of virtue without stopping, you should pay great attention to things, which may serve as chances for acquiring virtue, and never let them slip out of your hands.” God allows us to be put in these situations as opportunities for us to grow in virtue and faith!
As we reach closer to Holy week and Pascha, let us remember the words of the Gospel of John: "In Him was life, and the life was the light of men, and the light shines in the darkness, and the darkness could not overcome it." (John 1:4-5). We should think of being “the light” like how we light each other’s candles during the Paschal rush service. Instead of keeping the light to ourselves, we should spread it around! Whenever someone’s candle goes out, we should relight it. If our candle goes out, we should ask for someone’s help to relight it. From up close, we can see each candle and person individually. However, from afar, the candles are all one large and bright light. You'll meet so many people whose “candles” are out, and it is our job to spread the light. Sometimes, we’ll have to face dark environments and remind ourselves that it’s hard to adjust from the dark to light. Those who have been in darkness for a while may be uncomfortable with a new-found light. Rather than forcing light upon those who may not be ready, let us gradually glow and be radiant, striving to be examples of Christ’s love for mankind.